Not as inspirational as you thought.

Another doctors appointment where I come home in tears.
My symptoms have worsened this week.
I am not Superwoman.
I tried to explain it to him.
I am too dizzy to walk, my stomach won’t digest food, my nausea is taking over my day, my vision is deteriorating, my neck muscles are throbbing and throbbing, and never stop throbbing. I am growing weaker, and weaker by the day.
This thing has ruined my life, and I will not let you sit there in silence and give me that sad ‘it’s-all-in-your-mind’ look. People don’t just get these symptoms for it to be diagnosed as NOTHING.
Everyone is moving, and I have stopped.
But I can see them. I can see their judgemental stares.

I spoke so quickly, my sentences were coming out as word vomit. I brought out my little pre-written timeline, and I showed him all of the referrals I wanted next.
I gave my doctor a gameplan.
I told him what we do next.
After the Gastric Emptying Test on Thursday, I want more blood work done.
I want an MRI for my neck.
I want my goddamn life back.
I want my body back.
I want my energy back.

I want someone to believe me.

His stupid facial expression felt like a hundred arrows had just been shot into my heart at once. It felt like I had been lit me on fire, and I could feel every ounce of my skin burning.
I felt so naked, so exposed.
And inside of me, whirling in the pit of my stomach, It held back my hair because it could sense vulnerability, and It chuckled in my ear; it’s all in your head.
“Anti-depressants,” was the only word he said, that cut me from my thoughts.
These were his only words in my half an hour appointment.
BECAUSE ANTI-DEPRESSANTS JUST MIRACULOUSLY FIX EVERYTHING, DON’T THEY? I am depressed BECAUSE of the illness terrorising my body.
But hey, anti-depressants will definitely get me out of here so you don’t have to deal with me anymore.

A few of you have asked my where I see myself in the future, and if I have any dreams? Will I go back to childcare? Do I want a family? Do I want children of my own? Do I want to travel?

On nights like this, I imagine my future self in a psych ward, being pumped with medication, my mind corrupted by this disease, my visitor’s log empty.
I don’t have a family, I don’t have friends, I don’t have Love, I don’t have hope, I don’t have control.

Sometimes, I don’t even see that.
I see dirt, rotting flowers and complete darkness.

71 comments

  2. Sometimes you feel like you can’t handle anymore. But it will change. And hope will return. Others judgment can make you doubt yourself and lose your will to continue fighting. You are still inspirational in the rawness and truth of your writing. And you will have a better life than what this moment presents to you.
    I am sending you love, hope and healing light 💕- Sofie

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  3. I feel and understand your pain and I do not mean that in some generic way, but in a genuine way. They wanted to give me anti-depressants too, they made me feel like it was all in my head and they made it so that I lost what was meant to be that great decade, the 20’s, where so much great stuff would happen. There have been times when I didn’t know what was going on in my head and any little thing could have tipped me over the edge. But I’m still here.

    It was the same with my mum. From having her own business and boundless energy to chronic fatigue syndrome that was continually misdiagnosed as depression or that it was ‘in her head’. She had to push for years for answers as her life slowly fell apart and like you felt herself getting weaker every day. But finally she got them. She’s still sick, it’s still hard, but she’s still here.

    But you know what we’ve realised? Of course we wouldn’t have chosen this path willingly, but when you’ve been shaped and moulded by serious illness like her, or when you’ve experienced the fire of a mental disorder like me, you don’t come back weaker, or less of a person. You come back stronger. You come back imbued with knowledge, wisdom, empathy, perspective. I have more to offer society, my future partner, my family, as a ‘mentally ill’ person than I ever had before.

    I understand you might not look at it like this right now, but please stay positive.

    You’ll get your answers, however long it takes, because that is your journey. It’s fucking horrible, but you’ll do it.

    And finally, you do have love. You have love from complete strangers who want you to overcome your difficulties. And you have hope. There is always hope.

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  5. I know how frustrating and exhausting it can be to not have answers and have doctors who don’t try to understand, but keep pushing forward! The fact that you took control and gave your doctor a gameplan is awesome! You know yourself better than anyone and you deserve to feel validated by the people who are supposed to help you. Don’t let the doubt from others bring you down. Sending lots of love and good vibes your way!

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  6. Hi Sweetheart, sorry, only just started following you, and haven’t read all your posts, so you may or may not have tried this already. I suffered similar symptoms from yours for years, and nobody could find anything. I suffered from severe dizzy spells, nausea, diarrhoea, palpitations, fatigue etc. etc. etc. Doctors told me there was nothing wrong with me. For years. Eventually I found out that I had food allergies. I am allergic to wheat, lactose, sweet potato, beetroot, salmon, wild mushrooms etc. etc. etc. When I started avoiding all of those, my life improved. Not straightaway, as I got withdrawal symptoms first that nobody had told me about! Food allergies are difficult to diagnose; in the end the person that helped me most was a kinesiologist (until then, I didn’t believe in that sort of stuff!). Might be worth looking into! Also, have you heard of Deliciously Ella? She suffers from crazy symptoms like yours and turned her life around by changing her diet. Her recipes are delicious! http://deliciouslyella.com/ Keep going! You’re doing great. Big hugs Beautiful! xxx

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    1. Thank you. I will definitely have to have a look at her and maybe send her an email. thank you for all of the information. You really didn’t have to. Yesterday was just so hard on me. The disappointment was overwhelming xx

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  7. Is there any way you can switch doctors? Sometimes when confronted with professionals lacking in skill, it helps to think of your other options. Clearly this doctor is not up to the task of figuring out a diagnosis, so you’ll either need to engage in hand-holding or find a new one.

    Remember: this person works for you, and not the other way around. In that regard, your doctor is no different than a petulant store clerk.

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    1. I have, many of times. I came back to him because he was my family doctor and knew my history better than the rest. I know. I also know that at the end of the day he is purely a Gp. GP’s expertise is not strong in cases like mine unfotunately 😦

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  8. Hi, Me again. It spells out your symptoms even more in the book, but I haven’t got time just now to type it all. I’m no doctor, but what Ella has been saying sounds similar to your symptoms; she’d previously always been healthy, and nobody could find anything wrong with her. She was told it was psychological, but ended up so ill, that she had to be pushed around in a wheelchair! Until someone gave her illness a name! Good luck Hunni! I really hope you’ll get it diagnosed. xxx Me

    Ella says in her blog: “I started the blog as a way of dealing with a relatively rare illness, Postural Tachycardia Syndrome, which I was diagnosed with in September 2011. The illness had a pretty devastating effect on my life – I literally couldn’t walk down the street, I slept for 16 hours a day, had never ending heart palpitations, was in chronic pain, had unbearable stomach issues, constant headaches and the list goes on – it was anything but fun! I tried healing through conventional medicine for about six months but it had little effect on my symptoms and I was still bed-ridden 95% of the time. So I decided it was time for something new and began researching holistic, natural healing approaches, which is how I started eating like this. Overnight I took up a whole foods, plant-based diet and gave up all meat, dairy, sugar, gluten, anything processed and all chemicals and additives, which was a pretty drastic change. I literally never ate fruit or vegetables before, my diet instead revolved around Ben and Jerry’s ice cream, Chocolate, peanut butter and jelly eaten with a spoon, pick-n-mix and lots of cereal and pasta – I was a sugar monster! So everything you see here is part of my learning and healing process, I’m not a trained chef by any means – everything is self-taught and the result of lots of failed experiments! I also totally understand how daunting the idea of changing your diet so radically is, but it’s single-handedly the best thing I have ever done. Knowing that I’m giving my body the love and health that it needs is an incredible feeling, and even better – everything tastes so incredible now! I’d take a batch of raw brownies over candy any day!

    Eating this way has allowed me to take control of my illness, stopping the constant pain, restoring my energy and giving me my life back again. It really has healed me, and just eighteen months after starting this lifestyle I’ve been able to come off all my medication and I feel so incredible, better than ever really! I’d never have believed that I could come this far simply through diet; it is just incredible – better than any drug ever. I’ve learnt more on this health adventure than I could have possibly imagined too and I really want to share all of this information with you. It’s my way of turning something negative into something really positive. If I can spread health and happiness with anyone then this is a success!”

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  10. No judgement here. You know yourself better than any doctor. You know you are really ill and you must persist, persist in asking for referrals as long as it takes. This is very real. For what it’s worth I think the fight to resist anti-depressants is worth it. I took them for 18 years and they poisoned me, they stopped my life. At the moment it might not help you to think about the future, you are in the present and just getting through that is hard enough without the torture of people asking you what you want out of life. As if a positive outlook is a cure-all or even possible when you feel so shitty. You have my support, anonymous though it is, you have my concern, my gratitude for your honesty, and my love. What you are going through is so very tough. I can’t promise it will get better, I can only lurk around here, letting you know that people are listening to you, believing you, willing you onwards.

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  11. I believe you. The oak bends to the storms, but never breaks. It faces each new storm with the same resolve, to continue standing. You are an inspiration to me. I send you fatherly love and hugs. I hope for you only the best in life.

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  12. I’ve had so many doctors treat me like a problem that 1) is wasting their time 2) should be solved by logical means (aka medication). I once had a psychiatric doctor who only ever asked me about my meds, tried to put me on anti-psychotics that made me sick, and would ask dumb questions like “give me a percentage (out of 100%) of how much better these meds make you feel,” which never clarified anything. I know it’s so hard to have ignorant people who are supposed to be able to help you let you down. And the search for a empathetic doctor can be incredibly exhausting. But, please, please keep searching because you deserve the best care possible. I believe you are experiencing what you say you are ❤ and there are doctors out there who do too. I promise. Keep fighting and writing! ❤

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  13. I’ve been where you are, and all I can say is, ‘keep pushing’. I know how hard it is. I had it for 4 years. But know that you do have a community of people behind you. You are not and never will be alone x

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  14. Hello! Thank you for liking my blog.

    As you’ve read some of my posts, you will know that I totally understand how you feel.
    I was offered anti -depressants too – amitriptyline. It works very well for nerve pain and migraines apparently- which can be a major factor in chronic fatigue. I have been exactly where you are right now,frustrated and angry with the medical profession. It’s good to let it out!

    I chose to refuse anti depressants and went down the holistic route- a yeast free, anti inflammatory diet, a good multivitamin, an extra B vitamin complex, probiotics and graded rest and exercise. I concentrated on what I wanted and didn’t allow anyone or anything deviate me from my goal of wellness.( especially doctors who offered anti depressants because they don’t know what else to do)

    In the weeks ahead, I will be sharing with fellow bloggers how I followed a holistic path to wellness and it would be lovely if I can share any of my experience to help you get well. One thing that has worked amazingly for me and clients I have seen over the years is a very simple but powerful technique.

    I wondered if you have tried it?

    How about giving’ Drop the stuff that zaps your energy and concentrate on the stuff that will get you well ‘ a go?

    Find a quiet place with no noise or distractions. Lie in a comfortable position.Close your eyes and concentrate on your breath. listen to the sound of your breathing and say to yourself ‘ as I breathe in I breathe in relaxation and as I breathe out ,all stress and tension ebbs and flows away’
    Now start with visualising yourself well – everything else is of no consequence now as you lie there relaxed.As you visualise the well,healthy, happy you, see yourself stepping into that healthy you. Do this visualisation 4 times a day , like you would take meds – you will be creating a new neural pathway of wellness.You can change the visualisation to being relaxed , or having energy – you can be as creative as you want with your images -whatever works for you- you choose the image you want.

    Your brain is an amazing tool that scientists are finding more about how it works . What we do know right now , is that the brain cannot tell the difference between a real memory and a made up one – so make up wellness and repeat , repeat, repeat . Your brain will basically do what you tell it to do.

    I didn’t find out how amazing my brain was until 15 years after the diagnosis of m.e. /chronic fatigue.
    Of course – we are all unique and it is so important to follow what works for you.

    Sending all the very best healthy vibes and wellness.

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    1. Thank you for reading. I am currently on a yeast free diet too, but my stomach won’t allow for me to eat much at all. I i will have to focus more on holistic therapy I think. It’s really all I have left xx i will also try the breathing – thank you xx

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      1. Sorry to hear your diet is so restrictive – I ‘ve been there too!!! At that time I needed some help so I could increase my food intake as I was losing so much weight.

        Don’t know if you’ve had a stool sample done? I had tests taken to a lab in Germany by my holistic practitioner . Dysbiosis was diagnosed which meant I had to concentrate on getting my gut flora back into balance.
        Has anyone mentioned enzymes to you? They worked very well for me in conjunction with the probiotic. I don’t know if you are in the U.K. but here I have used Biocare for nutritional supplements like the enzymes http://www.biocare.co.uk The products I have used are Lipase( to digest fat) and Polyzyme ( to digest proteins and carbs). All are enzymes from foods and are specifically for people like us who have food intolerances /allergies from dysbiosis(imbalance of gut flora) from a virus /stress/overuse of antibiotics.Undigested food can cause fibromyalgia, pain in the joints etc. Stress is massive too in that it inhibits digestive juices.
        You may well have been down this route .

        Good luck with all you are doing and you are doing great 🙂 xx

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      2. I’m on Creon 10000. It’s got lipase and another one in it. it’s two in one. It was kind of helping, until I had to stop it for this upcoming Gastric Emptying Test this week. And, I’ve had two previous stool tests done. One with a gastro and one with a Naturopath. The first one was clear, the second one showed unknown bacteria. I am having another next week for hopefully a final answer … so many things to try and do. It’s so overwhelming! Thank you for your support xx

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      3. Yes, it can feel overwhelming. But, from experience I do think the key is gut health. Get that balance back and you’ll get back to health. Can you take Kefir(1. from raw goats milk and2. young coconut(Donna Gates one is good) and Raw Sauerkraut? They naturally repopulate the gut – ten if you took tiny amounts. Also see aches , sweats etc as a positive- the body will naturally want to heal itself nd symptoms can be unpleasant when the battle between the good and the bad guys is going on ! I found meditation helped to get through that and plenty of water and vit c.
        Good luck with the tests. You are on the right track.
        You will improve:) xx

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      4. Thank you for all of your positive energy and advice. I truly appreciate it. I have never heard of those things but will research them. I’m sure I can find them somewhere haha thank you again xx

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    1. Yes. Sorry for my little outburst. I thought it might be beneficial to see that I too, have days where I am a mess.
      I can’t always be positive.
      Thank you (hehe) so strange hearing that being said to me xxx but well needed

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  16. Don’t give up. Days like this happen, but if you hold on you will get to a solution. I went through the same frustrating path with my Irritable Bowel Syndrome, which I can guarantee is not only in my head…
    Sending you love and hugs ❤

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  18. fuck this sounds depressing. Won’t lie. The everything came back fine bit. Such a joke! I’ve been sitting in the office only to hear everything is fine, blood work fine, ect. ect. I just don’t even engage that, I say thank you and onto the next Doctor. Play the law of average, 1 in 10. The Doctor that helped me the most, tossed out my entire history. He has a Son, lost his entire lower digestive tract to an undiagnosed infection. He was hellbent on fixing me. And something that struck me as unique about this Doctor, he never ever gave me advice or a prescription without looking in a book. He actually used those books they all have sitting on the shelf gathering dust. He treated me like a Son, like family. And he put me on the path to recovery, real recovery.

    And I’ll be honest with you, if you’re not taking meds for your head, I’d take it for a spin. It can take the edge off and hell, some of them even make ya hungry 🙂 well maybe… Made me hungry, even through the grueling nausea. Olanzapine, I put on 100 lbs on that drug then weaned off onto a different one without that side effect.

    Plus this doc gave me some very practical advice, he said while he figures out what is wrong… keep eating. “Cause if you don’t eat. You don’t shit. If you don’t shit. You die.” true story.

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    1. I laughed at the end of that!
      I guess I’ll be on the hunt for new doctors… ugh it’s just so bad. I’m so over it. Today, my body is trembling nonstop. I have no control. I can’t hold anything. I’m so frustrated, I could scream x

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      1. I know its easier said than done but try not to focus on the frustration, I mean realistically nothing happened that hasn’t happened to you before. I am actually pretty sure in the back of your head (and I know this from experience) you knew the doctor was gonna say everything is fine lol. Most of the acceptable levels on that blood work sheet are a joke. They are like a third of where your body actually needs to be to start healing. The numbers they use are targeted at a range for a healthy person your height & weight ect. but you’re not healthy. Ya need to be on the upper end of those panel results. I’m probably not telling u anything u don’t already know. I am thankful tho I was able to make you laugh, that in itself lifts the soul. And the shakes I get that too, I get very cold in the hands. Like ice and they tremble. I can’t hold anything and then the next day I’m sore. Like I ran a marathon and fell down a mountain. I find mint tea helps, but mint tea is my solution to everything 😐

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      2. Mint tea is my solution too! Anti nausea, anti pain, helps me sleep…
        I know. I agree. I knew what he was going to say. I just wished it was different this time. It made me feel extremely sad. My body won’t stop being this harsh on me 😦

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      3. yep it has anticonvulsant properties also, slows the rhythm of your GI. You into mindfulness? I practice a type of mindfulness where ya take a few minutes a day to completely experience your symptoms, immerse yourself totally into the pain and discomfort. Name it, own it. If you need to quit after 1 Minute, you quit. But the idea is to ramp up. I’ve made up to an hour. This is the time you give to your symptoms and to your discomfort, fear. The idea is that by setting this time aside to experience the worse, the remainder of your day will be the best… I use a singing bowl during this practice, very grounding.

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  22. don’t feel bad, emotions are meant to be expressed. Otherwise we wouldn’t have any emotions and I wouldn’t read this blog cause it would be boring. And I don’t like boring 😉

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  24. Even though you have no idea who I am….I Wish I was there to hold you, not to tightly, just enough for you to feel my energy draining into your pores, filling your soul with kindness and love…even though I cannot understand what your facing in your journey in life, I can feel your sorrow and loss for the life you so deserve….Ii have dealt with MD’s that look at you like you don’t know who and what your body is doing…I feel your frustration….I don’t claim to give advice but I have witnessed Chinese herbal medicine do wonderful things….I don’t push or tend to tell anyone what to do….just a thought said out loud…..as I remove my arms from you….I am hoping I have left you feeling, heard, and know that someone out here cares…..sleep well my friend….

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      1. Really glad to hear…just keep in the dark part of your mind….there are people out here, well at least me for sure…that think and send good thoughts your way…

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  26. Why do doctors do that? Why??? Do we threaten their sense of themselves as omniscient gods and so we must just be depressed or making it up because we can’t possibly have something they can’t diagnose? And the fact that this is a common occurrence may make us feel less alone in all this, but it still shouldn’t be a common occurrence! Anyway, FWIW, you’re not alone in this experience. Maybe someday we’ll find some good doctors who are okay saying, “I don’t know, let’s figure this out together.” Until then, you feel free to wallow every once in awhile! But, like, set a time limit on wallowing so it doesn’t swallow your whole life. I find a good 30 minutes of intense wallowing can do wonders.

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    1. I did have a giggle at the end of that, because I couldn’t of said it better myself. It really can do wonders. We just need to let it all out sometimes.

      I hope we come across doctors like that too one day my dear xxx

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  27. My mom has struggled with undiagnosed pain and health issues for years but finally found a doctor who is at least willing to listen and try different approaches. She still has no diagnosis but at least it finally feels like she’s making some progress with someone who is at least willing to try instead of just giving her more medication. Finding the right doctor is so important but I know it’s also frustrating to go to someone new and feel like you’re starting over but I truly hope you find someone who works with you to help find an answer.
    Wishing you all the best and sending lots of positive vibes your way! 🙂

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      1. I feel your anger and frustration with doctors. I tire myself of hearing the same things that you have mentioned. “the tests are negative” , ” I can’t find anything wrong” , and the ever loved one, that they don’t usually come right out and say, ‘it’s all in your head’. Human bodies are incredibly complex. Many things are either hard to explain or defy explanation. That said, I find repeating my story, describing symptoms, and presenting what I think is going on its very tiring and trying. I am about to try and find another doctor to do exactly that. The physical pain and depression drain me of energy and replaces it with anger and frustration. I have dealt with severe depression all of my life. Unfortunately, there isn’t a diet that will give much relief from that. I have been on nearly every anti depressant that there is. Prozac have some relief but turned loose my anger so that was out. Many SSRI’s either did little or nothing or got rid of what little libido that I had. Cymbalta, finally has pulled me out of the pitch black. It works for me but not for everyone. The point of this is that the almost endless search have me hope. I continue my search for an answer to my physical dilemma. Shortness it seems that is what it takes, the search to continue.
        I know that this sounds like a recap of what you have said but these are my chains too. I will spiritually share the weight of these chains with you. When they get too heavy, think on my offer and feel the easing of that weight. I offer this as a friend. (my wife probably wouldn’t like me to travel… Lol) As a friend I offer this to see if will work. Let me know! By the way, I find your writing pretty inspirational!

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  28. I feel your anger and frustration with doctors. I tire myself of hearing the same things that you have mentioned. “the tests are negative” , ” I can’t find anything wrong” , and the ever loved one, that they don’t usually come right out and say, ‘it’s all in your head’. Human bodies are incredibly complex. Many things are either hard to explain or defy explanation. That said, I find repeating my story, describing symptoms, and presenting what I think is going on its very tiring and trying. I am about to try and find another doctor to do exactly that. The physical pain and depression drain me of energy and replaces it with anger and frustration. I have dealt with severe depression all of my life. Unfortunately, there isn’t a diet that will give much relief from that. I have been on nearly every anti depressant that there is. Prozac have some relief but turned loose my anger so that was out. Many SSRI’s either did little or nothing or got rid of what little libido that I had. Cymbalta, finally has pulled me out of the pitch black. It works for me but not for everyone. The point of this is that the almost endless search have me hope. I continue my search for an answer to my physical dilemma. Shortness it seems that is what it takes, the search to continue.
    I know that this sounds like a recap of what you have said but these are my chains too. I will spiritually share the weight of these chains with you. When they get too heavy, think on my offer and feel the easing of that weight. I offer this as a friend. (my wife probably wouldn’t like me to travel… Lol) As a friend I offer this to see if will work. Let me know!

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  29. It seems like I’ve had this same experience so many times…

    It took me a really long time to find a doctor who recognised my symptoms and actually focused on fixing the physical problems as much as we can. I mean, my previous doctor was giving me prescriptions that explicitly worsened the underlying condition, so I’ve felt that struggle in multiple ways.

    The important part, though, is that it’s not permanent. Eventually, you’ll find yourself sitting across from someone with good insight who is willing and able to legitimately help. Just stay strong until you find them (:

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    1. Thank you for your kindness. It just sucks when your life is temporarily put on hold for something that can’t be controlled (currently). It’s a bit upsetting, to be honest. But, I’m somehow still managing to take these tests and hold a bit of hope that we eventually reach a better place. I just want to manage it. I miss my job!
      Keep writing. I quite like your posts. Your most recent one reminds me of me. But be thankful that you CAN do things. I wish I could X

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      1. Of course! I definitely know how that feels, it’s one of the worst things… Managing it is the hardest part, I think, so just getting through that feeling is an amazing accomplishment!
        And thank you! (: I’m glad people find some enjoyment in the way I dump my thoughts out into the computer.
        Hopefully you’ll reach that better place soon. Just focus on the positives, for now that’s probably the best any of us can do.

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  30. I didn’t read all the comments because it’s 5am here and I can’t sleep, again. I lost over 2 years of medical care because I let them convince me it was just depression. Was I depressed? yes. However, they just couldn’t seem to understand that it was being sick that was causing the depression. By the end I’m on 5 different meds for depression/anxiety. I’m in therapy once a week. My “depression” is under control but my medical issues are not. I’m sorry you are going through this. It sucks. Please, don’t let them convince you that it’s all in your head.

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    1. I won’t. I’ll keep fighting. I have no choice. I’m bedridden most days, unless it’s a surprisngly better day.
      I know I’m depressed, but it’s because of this awful illness inside of me.
      I’m so sorry to hear 😦
      It really does sucks

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  32. I have read some of the comments here and my head is spinning.
    What hideous enemy is wreaking so much havoc?
    Lyme disease?
    Chtonic fatigue
    Wasting syndrome
    Any number of parasites, yeasts, or bacteria well hidden in the gi tract ?
    Have you had a pill Camera test done ?
    If diarrhea were present could it be C.difficile bacteria the Culprit?

    Why is the neck involved ?
    Could a fecal trasplant help you regain your health ?
    As repulsive as they sound they are saving the lives of thousands of people plahued by C diff hypervirulent strains that don’t respond to any antibiotics

    However, other patients suffering from illnesses such s UC,,ulcerative colitis, Chrons disease, severe disbyosis, sibo, even autism and a plethora of other conditions are receiving this therapy to repopulate their guts with trillions of good pathogens to restock the healthy flora.
    This therapy is also accompanied by healthy diets such as paleo or crd diets, Probiitiocs, enzymes, vitamins , colostrum, vit d 3, and other supplements

    Also, cannabis oIl is used to reduce nausea and inflammation.
    In the US, openbiome is the main company that supplies the material for the fecal infusions.

    Although, FT s are only aproved for treatment of C diff
    In England there is the Taymount clinic and Australia has its own clinics that offer these services

    Is it a viral condition ?
    Allergies, auti immune , metal poison, hormonal ? Genetic?
    The posibilites are endless but one thing is cretain that kind of body damage is not in your head
    It is not psychosomatic
    Au contraire, it is Somato psychic in nature

    You suffer from depression because your body is legitimately ill. Undiagnosed ? Yes
    But that doesn’t make it aNY less real

    The mystery needs to be sloved

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