What does Depression look like?
Darkness lurks inside of you.
It speaks to you constantly and pokes you in the ribs, but it won’t tell you its name.
It will tell you things like, “You are alone,” “You suck,” and “You have to deal with this for forever.”
Its name is Depression.
For me, Depression looked like a smile on my face, but it felt like a sob in my throat.
I went to college, went to church, and even volunteered, all with a smile on my face. But, the moment I got home, I would turn to my closet and hide. I would weep for hours at a time. Depression is messy. Literally. I would have puddles of tears and snot to deal with. My pain felt nameless, but it was not. And neither is your pain.
There was an exercise that my therapist had me do one time that helped connect the right brain to the left brain. During that session, my Depression came in the form of an ice skating girl who kept saying, “You’ll never tell anyone about me.”
I find this significant, because, in telling others about my Depression, I have gained the most hope I’ve ever had. Depression says not to tell anyone, but Depression is conquered by telling others about it.
I remember telling my mother, for the first time, that I had suicidal thoughts. That was the beginning of my continued journey to recovery. I opened my mouth to confess what was hard in my heart, and, in doing so, a piece of the burden and pain lifted. It was not an instantaneous healing – in fact, I still am learning to cope and deal with the Depression. But, in opening up to someone about what I was feeling, it validated my pain and allowed for a little piece of hope and light to be shed on the dark hurting part of my soul.
Every time I told another piece of my story, I would see that I was not alone. I began to see other people around me stand up and begin to tell me that they have been there too. Not only did my sharing of my story give others a reason to share their story, it also brought hope to everyone.
Healing is found in opening up – whether that be to a trusted friend, family member, therapist, or a doctor. In a practical sense, a person will know how to help you if you share what you are going through. In an emotional sense, naming your pain and your story creates a bridge for others, including yourself, to find hope and joy.
In everything, my main advice is to share your story – in whatever way you find resonates with you. Whether that be through a painting, a photo, a song, a quote, story, the world needs your part. You are worth it to get better! You are worth loving!
So, whatever Depression looks like to you, begin to bring in others to your story to shed light on the darkness of your pain.
The lovely, and very patient, author of this post can be found at heatherlanne.wordpress.com
Heather wants to bring hope to others by sharing her sufferings with Depression through journal entries, essays, and poetry, she wishes to share her story with others who might be experiencing the same amount of pain she used to experience every day. She wishes to encourage others to then share their stories, and for them to know that they’re valuable. Make sure you give her a Follow!
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