Cerebral Palsy

Illness Army: “A New Beginning”

Another must read from the ever-so-sweet Joshua.
I am lucky to call Josh a friend.
He runs the blog http://musicismystory.wordpress.com and is an incredibly talented lyricist.
Joshua spreads hope for other sufferers of Cerebral Palsy, Depression, Anxiety and Body Image.
His story shared today, will leave you with a warmth in your heart and an overwhelming feeling of hope for love.

So, it’s been two months since I’ve written anything – not a song, poem, or blog post of any merit or substance. Why’s that important? Well, let’s just say that I’m not doing what I should be: myself.

I mean that in an expressive and artistic way, and the reason why is because I’m happy – I’m in love. My creative nature is birthed from heartache, pain, loss, fear. I don’t have those feelings now, and I have a girl in my life that accepts me for who I am.

She is of course in a different country – Norway to be exact. Sure, I know what you’re thinking: it’s limiting, too far, or not possible. We’ve talked about it countless times, and we both come to the same conclusion each time: we both give each other something that no one else ever has. Despite being 3,587 miles(5,772 kilometers) away from her, I’ve never felt closer to anyone emotionally and mentally in my life.

Is there someone here for me in New York? Sure – somewhere – but that’s not the point. Over the years, I’ve consistently fallen for girls that I’d never have a chance with if my life depended on it. ‘Just kill me now.’ I’d say.’ This ain’t gonna happen.’

I always wanted what I couldn’t have – including a “normal” body due to my disabilty – and the odds have always been against me since birth. However, my biggest struggle became the catalyst for how I’ve accomplished anything in my life. I can do anything you can – I just do it differently – I’ve obtained everything in the opposite fashion and I applied that to relationships, too.

And why not? Why shouldn’t it be different? I’m never gonna have a regular life – and that’s okay. Conventionality can bite me. And the thing is, this girl that I love is different. She’s human, she’s reflective on what she’s done – what she sees – and she acknowledges that – to me anyway and I her. That’s what’s important. We acknowledge one another.

Those other girls who I’d never be with in a million years liked me for one of two reasons: I knew what to say in the face of their adversity, and they had boyfriends they didn’t like. A lot of people are superficial, apathetic, and worrisome of their image if they’re with certain people. I’m that certain person to others when it comes to relationships.

I couldn’t give less of a shit now if I’m not enough for you. I’ve “tried” the online dating thing and it’s the same bullshit. Everyone’s afraid of saying what they want, and when someone is honest in what they want, the system designed to “find your perfect match” – based on nonsense – gives you a big fat middle finger.

Online dating prays on the fears of lonely people who’ve been rejected by society only to reject the want they desperately need: love. You can’t live without it. It’ll kill you before you give it a chance at times. I’ve been dead up until I found this beautiful girl named Anette. The love she’s given me and the love I have for her have saved me from eternal somberness and stifling heartbreak.

She’s proved to me that I’m loveable, I’m “good enough” – even though she’d say great – and most importantly that I’m capable of everything I’m afraid of. I’m so grateful for her and she’ll be visiting me in June. It’ll be the first time that we’ll be at fingertips length.

I can’t wait to meet you, Anette. Thank you for making me see the beauty that is life and for showing me what love’s about: empowerment and encouragement of one another through light and dark times.

I love you.

If you would like to submit your story of hope during illness, check out our Submissions Guidelines Page. I look forward to hearing from you.