Chronic Pain was something I had never heard of, knew nothing about or even knew anyone who had it. But after failed Spinal surgery nearly 5 years ago, Chronic Pain seems to be my new best friend. We are now never apart.
I was told I had Degenerative Disc Disease in my lower spine, the area I was operated on, 4 years ago now, and I have learned to live with it, it’s not as bad as it sounds. The word disease freaks you out at first, and so does google, but eventually we all get this, but usually when your older. So it’s not as bad as it first sounds!
Less than a year ago now, I was also diagnosed with Lumbar Spinal Stenosis, Facet Joint Hypertrophy, Enlarged Facet Joints, and Arthritis in the Facet Joints. To go along with these, I have Bursitis in both hips.
Every day is a new day, a new learning curve, it’s a hard challenge. What I did yesterday, I more than likely won’t be able to do tomorrow. And that sucks. Being more than capable of walking 5 years ago, to now not knowing if my legs will support me to take 1 single step, it’s hard, so very hard. I am a determined/ stubborn person and will not ask for help, but what are you supposed to do when you are on the floor in a heap and can’t get up, all because your back has failed you and your legs, and all without warning.
Every day, every minute and second of each day I have a dull throbbing and aching pain, gnawing away at me. Some days it takes over your mind and you cannot function. Then add in sharp stabbing shooting pain, from your back down both legs. Then add a numb left leg (the whole leg). Then add a grinding sensation every time you take a step. Now imagine ALL that on 2-3 hours’ sleep a night.
The one thing I always remember is the look of utter disbelief when you tell a family member or friend what has happened that day, or at an appointment, it’s the look of “I don’t believe a word you say – It can’t be that bad, it’s all in your head”. I never asked to have all these issues, but they are real. Just for ONE person to believe you, would mean the world.
Unfortunately this is now my life. This is what I now have to deal with for the rest of my life. I cannot escape. Being told that they have no more options for me, is not what I thought I would hear so soon. No more treatment, nothing. This is it.
But trust me, there will still be the dark days, many days, when you don’t want to move or even talk. When you want to stay in bed forever and hide away. But what you will learn is a completely new outlook on life. You will find strength and determination you never knew possible. You will manage to cope with things, in your very own way, and that’s ok, just never stop fighting. Never stop. Never give up.
If I can help one person see that their life is not over (even though most days you do feel that way!), if I can help that person believe that they CAN fight, if that one person becomes a stronger individual, then that’s all I need. I need to let people know they are not alone, there are other people in this world, dealing with the same thing. Don’t shut off, reach out – you never know who may be there to help.
The author of this post, Kat, can be found at her blog http://katwilson04.wordpress.com
Kat has been living with Chronic Pain and back issues for 5 years. In the hope that she can help someone else out there with the same issues, she started her blog, to make sure that person knows they are not alone, that there is someone else out there going through the same thing.
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