Need the help of my followers (:

Hello lovely people,

I apologise for my absence.
Things are crazy at the moment. I have gone from having minimal appointments, to suddenly having three to four a week! I now see two Gastroenterologists, am back seeing my Exercise Physiologist, Acupuncturist, Vestibular Physiotherapist through the Melbourne Dizzy Day Clinic, and my team leaders at the “Illness” Employment Agency. I was supposed to see the Physiotherapist through the Chronic Pain Clinic, but have had no time been well enough to attend!
Between my appointments I have had nasty flares of my nerve pain, and stomach. Once I get one thing settled, the other plays up! Haha, the story of my life.

My “small” kindness project has also brought back worldwide positive feedback, so I am super excited (but equally exhausted) from organising it all!

I’ve popped in today to announce that I have had multiple requests on how to donate, and have set up a “fundraising” page for anyone interested.

The “Be Kind To One Another Boxes” is a project in which I am funding the international shipping of ten full boxes of gifts (donated from multiple, worldwide, generous companies) to ten sufferers of Chronic Illness.

I decided to use my own savings to start this campaign with ten boxes, but word has quickly spread and now I have a room full of I N C R E D I B L E donations and kind-hearted humans wanting to assist in the funding of additional boxes.

If you are in a financial position where you can donate any amount of money – it will go towards the shipping of one FULL box of gifts to a stranger suffering from a Chronic Illness. I am aiming for $300AUD which will pay for an additional eight boxes.

If you would like to help out, please check out the Fundraising Page for more details. There you can also read a bit about my health journey, and how I came up with this Kindness Project.

A few of the wonderful companies who have already donated a considerable amount of product are:
MECCA Cosmetics
Breath Pearls
HASK Hair
HURRAW! Lip Balm
Pukka Tea

EVERY donation counts, whether smaller or larger! And all money is going to a really good cause.

Social media SHARES would be greatly appreciated!

The more awareness spread, means the more boxes I can mail, which means the more members of this very special community get a surprise box in the mail to brighten their day!

This is primarily an Instagram Project, so if you would like to nominate someone to go into the draw to receive a box, details can be found on my page.

C, xo

http://www.youcaring.com/bekindtooneanotherboxes 

http://www.instagram.com/indisposedandundiagnosed

 

NEW PROJECT ANNOUNCEMENT!

Super excited to share that I am working with some incredible companies, and generous humans, to create a limited number of goodie-filled boxes for a few lucky members of the Chronically Ill Community.

I am funding the international shipping costs, and packaging, of these boxes entirely out of my own savings account, so there is NO payment required from you.

I have always wanted to do this project, as I know how lonely Chronic Illness can be. Many of us are left unable to work, unable to go to the grocery store and unable to spoil ourselves. Many of us do not have the luxury of paying for anything beyond medical appointments and bills.

The project’s ONLY aim is to send love and happiness to those who need it most.

I am in the process of collecting donations for the boxes for the whole of September and early October; aiming to have them packed and mailed in late October/early November.

I am aiming for ten initial boxes to be mailed worldwide, but this will depend on the amount of donations received. We already have close to fifteen larger companies donating a decent amount of product and samples such as soy candles, handmade jewellery, handmade comforters, hair masks, makeup and stationary.

If you are the owner of a company who have samples to spare, or you are a generous human who would like to donate any products – please send me an email with the headline “DONATIONS” to discuss.
(Note: All companies and donators will be personally thanked for their contributions in a Social Media Post)

If you have $15-$30 to spare, and would like to help, you would be able to contribute to the overseas mailing of one full box, and the chance to brighten the day of a stranger.
Please contact me for more information.

Do YOU know someone in Chronically Ill Community who:
– are in need of a cheer-up
– have performed a selfless act in spite of their own struggles
– have helped you through a rough time

Complete an act of kindness and nominate them to go into the DRAW to receive one of our limited number of boxes.

This event is primarily based on Instagram, so if you would like to participate or see the incredible product filling these boxes, then please make an account today and come follow us!

BUT considering that you have all supported me through the toughest of times and pushed me over the 1000+ follower mark, I will be accepting nominations from my blog followers who do not have an Instagram Account.

All you have to do is:
– follow the blog
– email me at indisposedandundiagnosed@hotmail.com
– with the headline “NOMINATION”
– include the first (or full name) of the person you’d like to nominate, their country of residence and a social media url so that I can find, and contact, them if they win!
– also include WHY you are nominating them!

If you have an Instagram Account, then please personal message me the details above!

I am incredibly excited about this project, and humbled by the amount of love and positive feedback I have already received from people in the Chronic Illness Community and companies worldwide.

But, now I need your help finding the perfect well-deserving recipients of these boxes!

Love always,

C xo

Normal-Sick.

My visit to my Doctor today went a little like this…
I drove myself to my appointment up the road, and felt pretty proud of myself considering my body is being plagued by dizziness, fogginess, razorblades in my throat, a phlegmy chest, the usual stomach pain, neck-throbbing, nausea and pre-period bloating.

I notice that he has been moved to a new clinical room, and that the light bulbs are brighter (this is how you know you visit the Doctor way too much; when you start noticing the small things).

Me: “For once, I think I am normal-sick”
*insert coughing spell*

Dr S: “Yay, congratulations!”
*insert usual Doctor check*
“You have a throat infection.
More good news is that you also have a chest infection!
And here is some final good news; antibiotics is a no-go because of your Gastroparesis…”

Me: “Yay?”

I have not posted about my illness in a while, and probably because there is nothing overly exciting to tell. It is so little, I can squeeze it into dotpoints for you:
– I started an antidepressant called Mirtazapine in hope of blocking receptors to my stomach telling me I am nauseous, increasing my appetite, and blocking my pain receptors in my neck. I have been gradually increasing it for two months now, so I should see big changes soon.
– I stopped seeing the Holistic Chiro, as I noticed that the more ‘neck’ exercises he gave me/manipulation he did on my spine, the more pain and dizziness I had.
– I am seeing a Rheumatologist next week for the first time.
– I am seeing an Endocrinologist for my underactive thyroid. Yes, I am supposed to be on Thyroxine but I have cheekily stopped taking it.
– I am still doing Acupuncture with my Herbalist, and we are trying to test new vitamins out.
– I have an extension of my Government allowance until May, and a case officer is reviewing my case anytime between now and May as I fought my rejection of Disability.
– I am supposedly expected to partake in work or study of some sort, part time, midyear (if I show improvements)

The REALLY great news is that Dr S is in the process of putting my ‘mystery’ case forth to a group of very important Specialists at one of the best hospitals at Melbourne; to potentially enrol me in a very private, limited place Chronic Pain Program.
Don’t bother researching it; I tried. There is no information on it. It’s so ‘hush-hush’ that they actually search for their patients instead of having patients go to them; because naturally, they’d have multiple patients applying to be seen.

Imagine a room filled with numerous Professors and Specialists from every aspect of the Medical Field – Infectious Disease Professors, Physiotherapists, Neurologists, Rheumatologists, Gastroenterologists and Endocrinologists – and imagine these intelligent people sharing their wisdom and thoughts about the very rare patient cases.

Imagine spending time with patients one-on-one to actually understand their bodies. At least, this is how Dr S has painted the picture in my mind. No need for appointments to and from Specialists – they are all in one room, looking at YOU… in this case, possibly ME.

Okay, so it doesn’t sound so fun for me.
I will be a fish, in a tank, at a Fish Market.

But hey, if this actually happens, I could be on my way to ‘managing’ my symptoms a lot quicker than expected, and sharing my information with you.
Any progress, is good progress.

Ps, Normal-Sick still sucks more this Mystery-Sick

Strawberry Fields Adventuring.

Hello, my beautiful readers.
How are we all feeling this week?

I apologise for these long absences. I keep having lengthy flare ups, and my recent one was a neurological one. I have been suffering awful migraines from my neck pain; so awful that my vision began blurring, I had this consistent brain fog and full force dizziness that left me with horrible nausea that I could not get rid of. Upon visiting my sweet Doctor for the fifth time, his worry had me sent me for yet another MRI. When my results (obviously) came back as negative yet again and I was a blubbering pained mess in his office, crying that I could not go on another day with these symptoms, he said, “Cass, I suggest that you take the time to go away for a few days, and allow yourself to really relax and be loved. It gives me time to clear my head, and time for you to clear yours”.
(I will be writing a post on the be loved part very shortly, as he took me by surprise).

I explained to my Doctor that I would probably not feel much better “clearing my mind” when it was my body that was plagued by the unknown disease.
Yes, I was/am stressed.
I was stressed about money, my options, the future and my everlasting symptoms, and I was sick to death of the people in my life not caring anymore. I was tired of explaining the same story to them.
I didn’t want to be shoved aside by yet another Doctor and told to “take a holiday”, “think positively”, and “relax”.

Which leads me to my little spontaneous getaway – yes, I managed to get away with my best friend for a few nights to a beach two hours from here.
I was incredibly ill on the night we arrived, and I felt so disheartened to know that I could potentially have a continual flare up whilst I was up there.
Who knew that a two hour car ride would be so exhausting?!
BUT by some miracle, I awoke the next day and felt incredible… the best I have felt in a very long time.
I took advantage of this feeling and managed to tick off a goal from My Living List, whilst enjoying some incredibly tasty meals and dessert, a nature walk (whilst linking arms with my best friend, BUT nonetheless a walking achievement!), a visit to a tranquil spa retreat on a mountain and, a beautiful quiet moment at a secret beach.

I (naturally) awoke the next day with sore limbs, a very upset stomach and pain, but I can look back to this one day and remember how happy I was to be living.

I thought that I would share some photos of my big-adventure-day-of-good-health, with you.

Sneaky mid-strawberry-bite.

 

Fields, and fields of these beautiful berries!

Enjoying my tub of strawberries.

 

The beach that we were not allowed to walk on…

The mountain of spas surrounded by nature.

My favourite dessert (which I haven’t had since I first became ill) – creme brûlée

A secret beach that we literally stumbled across (no editing to this photo!)

Sorry for the short post; I promise to write more next week.
I hope that my little adventure brought a smile to your face, and I really hope that you write your own Living List; because you never quite know when you will receive a moment of good health to achieve and explore!

Love and hugs,

C, xo

Please, don’t touch me.

Everything my Specialists put into me, makes me very, very sick. I make progress, tiny progress, but then lose it all when they come up with another crazy drug trial.
And each time they are become more and more convinced that it will help me.
Because they are desperate to fix the unknown case that is me.

They have this stupid “we have to try everything” approach, but by everything that means every drug on the market, and they refuse to believe that maybe my body needs a moment to rest.

Almost a year of digestive medication after digestive medication, pain killers, antidepressants, antianxiety medication, supplements and now steroids.

I have not slept in five nights, am in excruciating stomach pain and have constant nausea and dizziness.
Symptoms that I was finally gaining control over.
I was eating meals independently, and am now eating zero. Bye-bye to my weight gain and positive thinking.

What if the answer is very simple?
What if I just need a month or two medication free to see how my body adjusts? I do not remember the last time I was drugfree, how sad.
How do you tell multiple Specialists that you do not want to be poked, prodded, used as a guinea pig anymore?

I do not want to be touched, in fear of you breaking me.

When your support system fails you.

Chronic Illness is terrifying and traumatic for the person who has it, but apparently it is as equally traumatic for our support system and results in many of them not being able to cope and disappearing on us.
I suffered for many months alone before someone contacted me to offer support. In this time I experienced many traumatic things on my illness journey, things that would have been good to talk to with family and friends. I didn’t have a support network back in my early days of illness, and nobody should have to face it alone. So please, if you are newly ill or experiencing hardship, please reach out to someone if you are unable to talk to friends or family.

I should have reached out to a therapist a year ago, but instead I battled alone and held in all of this pain and suffering from the dramatic lifehange. I sat back hoping that my closest friends and family would be there to support me, but it took months before they did, and not all of then ended up by my side.

An incident happened today which has prompted me to ask the question below. I had a very close friend of close to nine years who has silenced me since getting ill. She became busy, didn’t have time, didn’t care. So, I (right or wrongfully) approached her and let out my feelings of disappointment and let down, as I have learnt not to hold onto feelings and let them eat at you, and it escalated into the usual hurtful comments about my illness, Facebook delete and the good old’ “don’t message me again”.

What is one of the inconsiderate, uncalled for (and possibly downright nasty) things that your supposed friends, loved ones or Doctors/Specialists have said to you along your Chronic Illness journey?
Please share below.

We are dealing with so much in our lives already, but society assumes that we are; exaggerating or weak, which results in having a bunch of these idiots throwing their opinions and ideals into our lives, telling us how to live and what is right and wrong.

I was told that my illness has indeed defined the person I am today, and that I also need to be better than the illness and not weak; that I use the Illness Card as a victim card.

See, this is what is wrong with society ^

And this was coming from someone who I have spent a lifetime with and who was meant to care for me.

Take a walk in our shoes and then tell me how you feel. You unfortunately lose a piece of yourself to your illness but that does not mean that you don’t try your absolute hardest every day, even though you might miss lunch with a friend, or a birthday, or work. It is NOT an excuse or an “illness card”. It is the way it is. You/we are doing the best we can, under the circumstances that we are in, and we shouldn’t be quiet about it.
And it is a shame that the people who surprise us the most are those within our support group. They don’t seem to understand how hard it is for us to struggle each day, and they expect us to get up and just face the world with open arms like they are able to. If only they had a glimpse of what this feels like, and the loneliness surrounding hardship, so they would understand entirely. Then I am certain that they would think before spitting out the harsh comments.

I have received it from Specialists before, but not from people who are meant to be apart of my support network, to which I received today.

We don’t deserve treatment like this. We deserve respect, and if we sit in silence we will not be heard.

Stand up for yourself and know that you deserve better, whether it’s a smartass Specialist, a disrespectful friend or even a family member who thinks they know your body more than you do.

Protect yourself first because I assure you nobody else will.

Overwhelmed.

The feeling I get when I receive emails like this from my readers, is quite overwhelming.
How can my little Australian rants about illness, sadness and life touch so many of you?

When I am having a horrible day of symptoms,
when I feel like I have nobody in my corner helping me fight,
you remind me that I am far from alone.

(I have asked permission from both readers for this to be published)

Thank you for bringing joy to my darker days.
Just another reminder that we are not alone.

it isn’t fair.

Sometimes you just have to turn off your phone,
lock yourself in a dark room,
shove headphones in your ears,
and cry your fucking eyes out.

Scream every lyric to every heart ballad you can find,
because life really sucks,
and you were dealt a shit deck of cards,
and it isn’t fair, it isn’t fair.

The Truth Is Hard To Face.

One day you are going to look back at this moment and realise that this was you at your strongest, not weakest;

That what felt like the end of the world, wasn’t;

That behind the tears and the ugly in Chronic Illness,

you were beautiful;

That you were destined for things beyond medication trials and side effects,

soulcrushing appointments and trying to keep food down;

And on this day,

you’ll know that you

defined brave,

and that you were loved more than you knew.

A neverending day of shaking, nausea, medication numbness, holding onto everything to stay balanced, an inability to digest, and my love for this toilet.

TLC.

Indisposed and Undiagnosed has quietly had an overnight renovation.
We now have a cute little logo, and a site that is much easier to navigate your way through.
To experience the full effect of the changes, please take a peek on a laptop or computer!

I would like to thank my followers for your endless support and love.
I have received many emails (through my current darkest of times) describing me to be the voice for those who are unheard, hurting and also lost in illness of all kinds.

A Chronic Illness blog must shine a light on the positives and negatives.
In order to spread awareness, we must share an accurate account of our good and bad ordeals. They may be terrifying to write and read, they may also be incredibly depressing, but they are spreading awareness.

We are here, we are fighting, we are waiting, we want to be heard.

I am appreciative of your concern over my wellbeing, every comment I receive, every email I read.
I hope you continue to follow me on my journey.

May there be brighter days ahead for all of us

C, x